


The Things We Do

by PyrophobicDragon



Category: Dragalia Lost (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Sexual Humor, mild violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 23:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19733923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PyrophobicDragon/pseuds/PyrophobicDragon
Summary: Someone at the Church finds out that Heinwald may or may not be a humanoid abomination.





	The Things We Do

Watching Heinwald get presentable again after a bath was always an adventure.

It started out by wringing out his hair as much as possible. Gather it all up in his hands, twist and squeeze, repeat several times. Then he ran his fingers through it, separating the wet strands, shaking out as much water as possible. Repeat these steps several times, and add in a few vigorous rubbings of the scalp.

And then came the clothing. Drawers, then his undershirt, then his glasses and his hearing aid, then his corset despite the fact that his robe covered up the line it made, then his pants, then his shirt, then a waistcoat despite the fact that no one would ever see it, then his cravat, then his socks, then his robe, his belt, his jacket, and finally his shoes.

Curran was much quicker. Underwear, pants, shirt, socks, shoes, belts, jacket, and finally his gloves. He never wore his overcoat unless he had to cover up his uniform, so it was back at the main camp today. The speed of his own post-shower routine let him take some time to take in Heinwald buttoning himself back up.

“You might as well head back to camp, Curran,” said Heinwald, working on the buttons of his waistcoat.

He leaned back on the rock he was sitting on, folding his hands behind his head. “I’m fine here. Just enjoying the view.”

“The view of me putting my clothes back on?” Heinwald raised his brow at him.

He grinned back. “Yep. So I can imagine taking it all off later.”

Heinwald threw one of his shoes at him and grumbled, “Insatiable.” Then immediately demanded it back loudly when Curran mimed throwing it into the bushes.

Curran laughed at his indignant face, then walked over and gave him back his shoe. He sat down next to Heinwald on the fallen log and, once Heinwald had turned his body away from him and he had pulled off his gloves, began to run his fingers through his long hair, working out as many droplets of water as he could. His own hair was already nearly dried in the setting sun.

The army of New Alberia were marching back home after clearing out a fiend-filled ruin. The army had set up camp in a forest clearing by a small river, gathering more water and then taking the chance to wash themselves and the horses up after a rainy, muddy march. Most of the army had already finished up their baths in the afternoon, not wanting to be caught in the river when the sun went down, but Curran and Heinwald had deliberately waited until everyone else had finished so they could go and bathe in privacy with each other.

Yeah, they might have had sex by the river. It had been a long week.

Gathering up Heinwald’s mass of hair in one hand, Curran leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his exposed neck before backing off to let him do up his cravat and cover up both fresh and fading love bites with the white silk.

Then he dropped the hair he was holding and whirled around when he heard a sound in the woods.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Heinwald’s palms briefly glow with blackish-purple energy. 

_ Danger. _

Immediately his mind leapt into action. Heinwald was right, the sound came from the opposite direction of the camp. His axe and Heinwald’s staff were propped against a tree only a few feet away; priority would be to get Heinwald his staff--he couldn’t fire off long-range projectiles without it, though he could do some serious damage via touch, but Curran did not want him close enough to a threat to touch it to do so. Curran was well-trained in hand-to-hand, and with Heinwald’s ability to steal life from the vegetation around them and heal backing him up, he could potentially outlast whatever threat as long as he kept Heinwald protected--

“Inquisitor Curran, Erich Heinwald von Arzt, please raise your hands above your heads,” a cool male voice called out.

Out from the darkness of the trees stepped a thin man with brown hair. He was wearing the same uniform Curran was wearing, only buckled up properly.

Curran did not obey. He stood up instead, and felt Heinwald do the same, and crossed his arms. “Inquisitor…?”

“Inquisitor Peter.”

“Inquisitor Peter. What charges are we being arrested for?”

“Erich Heinwald von Arzt--”

“Just Heinwald, please, I struck all other names off of all legal registers.” Heinwald sounded more annoyed than anything. Curran was too, honestly.

“...My apologies. E--Heinwald, you are under arrest under suspicion of being a monstrous otherworldly entity whose existence on this plane is an affront to the Goddess herself.”

Shit.

“Inquisitor Curran, you are receiving a hiatus from duty and under arrest, under suspicion that you knowingly harbored a monstrous otherworldly entity and failed to destroy it or report its existence to the Church.”

Curran glanced over his shoulder at Heinwald, who said calmly, “Curran is innocent. I seduced him with my eldritch powers. He is unaware of my reality and unable to report my existence due to the orders I have given him."

Curran felt his hackles raise. “Hein--”

Peter raised his voice over his. “I’ll leave that to the Bishop to decide. You are under arrest, in the name of the Goddess. Come along quietly and pray for Her mercy.” How many times has Curran spoken those words?

“I believe you had already planned for us not to do so,” Heinwald sighed. Peter nodded, and out of the trees seven other people appear, wearing the same uniform. Heinwald observed this and sighed again. “Well. I don’t like the odds, but…” he raised his voice and yelled to the heavens, “Curran, attack!”

“Fuck you!” Curran yelled back at the top of his lungs as he lunged for his axe, grabbing Heinwald’s arm and dragging him along with him. Before he could get very far, Peter appeared in front of him. Granted, the clearing wasn’t that large, but this fuck was  _ fast. _

But not fast enough to dodge Curran’s left hook. The Inquisitor staggered, looking dazed, and Curran took the chance for a jab to the nose and an uppercut to the jaw.

The jab connected, sending out a spray of blood. The uppercut was intercepted by one of the other inquisitors, who grabbed the outstretched arm and attempted a flip. Before he could even get the momentum flowing, he cried out in pain, Heinwald’s purple hand gripping his shoulder and glowing with power. Curran sent him down with a swift kick to his knees.

This was not going to be a long fight. There were too many inquisitors for the two of them to handle, even if the inquisitors were aiming to arrest and they were aiming to kill or maim. But all they had to do was last just long enough.

Curran briefly felt Heinwald’s hand on his shoulder, giving him a boost of energy, before he was ripped away. Curran glanced wildly over at his partner as he aimed another punch and saw that two of the inquisitors had grabbed him and was dragging him away. One of them was not nimble enough, and Heinwald got a hold of his arm, causing him to sink to the ground, crying out in pain briefly before being silenced. The other, however, was smarter, and she took the chance to grab Heinwald’s arm and twist it behind his back. Heinwald grunted in pain as he was forced to his knees, and two other inquisitors fall on top of him, forcing him prone onto the ground. One of them holds him down easily, one of them holds his wrists together, taking care to avoid his glowing hands, and one of them claps on cuffs.

He’s so stupid. He was so distracted watching Heinwald get arrested that he eats a fist to the fucking face. He whipped back around and ducks Peter’s next blow, catching his wrist and twisting. There’s a snap and Peter howls, but Curran felt no satisfaction as he kicked him away, only pain. Because one of the others had snuck up behind him and walloped his back with their baton.

He twisted to deal with them, kicking their knee and forcing them down, but another one hit him over the head. He blacked out briefly, and when he came to again, he was pressed to the ground with his wrists held against his back. He struggled as much as he could, glancing over at Heinwald, and cried,

“You can’t fucking do this! Heinwald hasn’t done anything illegal or harmful!”

Peter wiped blood from his face with his non-broken hand and replied, “By his own admission, he ‘seduced’--” and Curran could hear the air quotes--”a man of the cloth.”

“Well, he’s fucking lying!” Curran scowled, “I’m sound of mind and body--”

“You can plead your case to the Bishop. I have my orders to arrest you. That doesn’t mean you’re guilty,” Peter pointed out. Curran rolled his eyes so hard they hurt. He must be new.

The Church would never send eight people after someone if they thought they weren’t  _ guilty. _

Curran snarled up at Peter, “You--”

But before he could figure out what he was going to say, there was more rustling from the trees. Euden burst into the clearing, followed by his usual crowd and a handful of other members of the New Alberia army. “We heard you yelling--”

He lapsed into silence as everyone took in the sight of Curran and Heinwald both prone on the ground, Heinwald cuffed up, Curran half-in, and each with three or four Inquisitors surrounding them in various positions.

Inquisitor Peter is the first to break the silence. “P-paladyn Elisanne?”

“Attack first, ask questions later!” Ranzal ordered.

As the inquisitors and the army clashed with yells and the sound of steel striking steel, Curran pushed himself up and ran over to Heinwald, with the cuffs still hanging from one wrist. He reached for the keys on his own belt and cursed when he realized he had left them back at camp with his other things. “You’re gonna have to sit tight, partner. It’ll be over soon.”

“ _ You’re _ going to have to ‘sit tight’ and not think about last Tuesday,” Heinwald quipped, dropping his cheek onto the grass.

“Tuesday?” Confused, Curran thought back. His cheeks heated as he remembered...abusing his own set of cuffs that night. “You’re a little bastard man. I hate you.”

“I’m not interested unless you’re going to make me pay for it later.”

Curran growled. “We’re not getting back to the castle for another two days.”

“Then you have two days to think of something creative, don’t you?”

By the Goddess, he was so tempted to just lean over and slap his ass. “Watch yourself. I’m pissed off enough right now that I might actually take you up on your offer.”

“I breathlessly await your revenge. Or should I say punishment?”

His pants were so damned tight right now. “Fuck you.”

“Not in the middle of battle, dear.”

Once again, the battle was over quickly, this time with the tide turned in the other direction. As soon as all the inquisitors were downed, Curran scrambled to his feet.

He walked over to where Peter lay and pulled the keys from his belt, freeing his own wrist and turning to toss the keys to whoever was standing closest to Heinwald, but then he paused and scowled. “I’ve half a mind to leave you there, partner, for that stunt you pulled.”

“Which one? Lying to the Inquisitor or reminding you of last Tuesday?” Heinwald asked.

“Both,” Curran sighed, but he threw the keys over to Cleo, who fumbled, caught them, and started unlocking Heinwald. Curran, meanwhile, turned back to Peter and began to turn out his pockets.

“What are you looking for?” Euden asked. Then he looked around. “Actually, can you tell us what happened here?”

“When we get orders to arrest someone, we’re lawfully required to carry the written orders,” Curran explained. He stuck his hand into the hidden inner pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. He unfolded it, gave it a scan, and stuffed it into his own pocket.

“You were under arrest?!” Elisanne exclaimed.

“Oh dear...can’t you get into very big trouble if you resist arrest?” Cleo looked around nervously at the downed inquisitors. 

“Meh. I'm an inquisitor, too, if I'm found innocent of this charge I can literally get away with murder,” Curran replied absently. Then he scowled. “But they’re not going to find Hein innocent, someone  _ knows _ and they’re angling to fucking kill him.”

“What do they know?” Euden asked, confused, at the same time Ranzal asked, 

“What were they arresting you for?”

And Curran cursed his anger-fueled loud mouth.

Heinwald stood up, brushing twigs and leaves out of his hair, and walked over to where his staff and Curran’s axe lay. He picked them both up and walked over to Curran, replying, “I was under arrest for being--”

“--a heretic,” Curran attempted to interject. He reached out and caught his axe when Heinwald tossed it to him.

“--a humanoid abomination.” Heinwald finished calmly, finally reaching his side. 

Then they turn in unison and glared at their stunned allies. 

Curran said, deathly quiet, “I hope you know that, with our weapons and each other, we are perfectly capable of killing you all.”

“And we will not hesitate to do so, if you choose to be a threat. I hope you will consider your next choice wisely, for it would be a shame to have to execute such staunch allies and friends,” Heinwald said crisply.

Silence. 

Whether the silence was because of the threat or because of the whole...Heinwald wasn’t really all that human thing, Curran didn’t really care. All that mattered was their next move. He scanned their slack faces, searching for one iota of potential violence. It would majorly suck to have to take these guys down. He and Hein were outnumbered and these people were extremely capable fighters, but they could do it together. Head back to Hein’s manor, pack their things, leave the continent if they have to--

“You’re not going to kill us,” Euden said.

They both shrug in unison. “Yeah, honestly, we’ll probably aim to knock you guys out or down. You’re cool,” Curran said.

“I mean, you’re not going to have to kill us. We--or, at least, I--don’t care what you are. Even if you’re…” he trailed off, struggling for words.

“Not entirely human,” Heinwald suggested.

“Yes. Not...human.” Euden did give him an odd look. “I guess it makes sense, now that I think about it.”

Curran resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Did you guys seriously never question the fact that he has purple skin and red eyes?”

“I just thought it was a disease or something,” Luca mumbled.

“Yes, and it seemed rude to ask…” Cleo said.

Heinwald said to Curran, “To be fair, we didn’t find out until recently either.” He cocked his head. “I spent my whole life thinking I was a freak human, but it turned out only half of that was true.” Then he laughed.

Curran elbowed him. Now that the situation had been...defused, he was feeling a little awkward. How do change the subject after you threatened to kill your friends?

“Er...right,” Euden said suddenly. “Uh, I think we should move camp. Let’s talk about how to deal with the whole...the Church wants to arrest and potentially execute you two after we do.”

“Yeah. Give us a second to...finish getting dressed.”

“What--oh!” Suddenly, everyone was staring at Heinwald’s current state of robelessness. He just ignored them all and trotted over to the rock where the rest of his clothes still lay and began pulling on his robe.

“What are you all staring at?” Curran snapped. Seeing them all stare at the lines of Heinwald’s body, usually covered up by his robe, was making the possessive side of him rear its head.

“Sorry! We’re going back to camp now!” Euden let out a nervous laugh and disappeared into the trees, with everyone else hot on his heels. 

As soon as they were gone, Curran set down his axe, leaning it against his thigh. He opened up the missive and examined it once more.

Then he folded it up and tucked it away.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly speaking, the second chapter might take some time to come out. I was happy with the way the first part came out and decided to post it anyways.


End file.
